Around a month ago, I downed a bottle of gin, some brandy too, and tried to kill myself. I crashed my car into a tree, and I’m lucky to be alive (well, others think I’m lucky but I still feel unfortunate that I didn’t die). Yes, that’s incredibly selfish, and I guess I feel lucky that I can use the excuse of drink-driving to explain … Continue reading Confessions: journal of an out-of-control, crazy person.
So, you know you’re f***** up when you resort to stealing your flatmates alcohol because you ran out and the nearest place open at this time is over a mile’s walk away. I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic. I don’t drink that regularly, but when I do, I go hard. When I feel down, I need something to occupy my mind, because I’m too scared … Continue reading Journal of a crazy person.
So you’re my best friend and you told finally told me You might be older, but I still love you. You may regret telling me, but I won’t let you feel like that, see I am your angel and you, my devil; we are the two I am dead and cold You are sad and old But we are meant to be, Like the sand … Continue reading Poem: love from a best friend
Anyone who’s ever read anything I’ve posted can probably tell I’m going through a tough time right now, and am not right in myself. Everyone around me can see it. So last night I was surprised to get a text from one of my best friends telling me he had feelings for me and he couldn’t ignore them any longer. I didn’t know how to reply, … Continue reading How to handle it when a close friend tells you they have feelings for you?
I’m drowning in the air that surrounds me. It’s a thick, black blanket of nothingness that takes every last ounce of energy and motivation out of me. I’m lucky if I muster up the courage to meet my basic human needs: eating and drinking are a rarity. Smoking is about as far as I can go. I’m slowly killing myself, even though I don’t mean … Continue reading Journal of a crazy person.
I feel dead. I am not really a living person; I am a walking dead person. Why do I feel like this? I guess because for the first time in my life, I have been thrown into an environment where I struggle (university). I have to actually do work to get by; something I am not used to. I can’t cope. All I do is … Continue reading Journal of a crazy person.
Sometimes it’s hard to articulate what we feel. In fact, I feel like that most of the time. I am someone who can simultaneously (and perhaps paradoxically) talk and socialise with most people, yet I never really feel right with many people. I can never really be myself around people, because I know they would judge who I am to the point where they wouldn’t … Continue reading Change – dealing with ambivalent feelings in an uncertain environment.
I would not necessarily call myself a ‘feminist’, instead I’m more of an egalitarian. Basically, I believe in genuine equality and would never criticize another female ‘in the name of feminism’. Anyway, I was recently watching the film ‘Mona Lisa Smile’ (on UK channel 32, Movie Mix), and I thought it was inspiring. The changes in mood and, to an extent direction, cover many relevant … Continue reading Feminism and the Modern World
For my entire life, I have had to deal with all the associations of having ‘potential’ and then wasting that potential. I will not complain, because I am lucky to at least have had the associations of having ‘potential’. My problem is that I cannot deal well with the associations of having potential. The best work that I have ever produced is when I have … Continue reading Wasted potential
For most of my life, I’ve always trusted my own instincts and opinions. I’ve never had any problems with that, and it has served me pretty well. But now, for the first time in my life, I’m beginning to question my instincts. This problem is made worse by how I can always see the limitations of the advice that other people offer me, particularly close … Continue reading Should we listen to other people when we don’t trust ourseves?
grittysilk.wordpress.com 