Around a month ago, I downed a bottle of gin, some brandy too, and tried to kill myself. I crashed my car into a tree, and I’m lucky to be alive (well, others think I’m lucky but I still feel unfortunate that I didn’t die). Yes, that’s incredibly selfish, and I guess I feel lucky that I can use the excuse of drink-driving to explain … Continue reading Confessions: journal of an out-of-control, crazy person.
So, you know you’re f***** up when you resort to stealing your flatmates alcohol because you ran out and the nearest place open at this time is over a mile’s walk away. I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic. I don’t drink that regularly, but when I do, I go hard. When I feel down, I need something to occupy my mind, because I’m too scared … Continue reading Journal of a crazy person.
Paroxysm means a sudden attack or outburst of a particular emotion or activity. I’d like to believe that my ‘substance abuse’ is a paroxysm. Unfortunately, it isn’t. It isn’t sudden or spontaneous; it’s predictable. It’s when I feel low, when I’m bored and/or when I feel like I need some kind of connection, some kind of feeling. Maybe I do this because every time I … Continue reading Journal entry, of a ‘crazy’ person.
(Un) Happy Ending: To everybody, I am nobody To myself, I am black tar I am a lost spectre in this word I am what people want me to be, I am what they see: an angel, a daughter, an academic. I am a master at hiding pain, at hiding myself But behind my grand facade, lies: an addict, a mess, a self-doubting, self-destructive human … Continue reading (Un) Happy Ending, a poem
To me, this is one of the most honest and beautiful songs ever written. But that is what makes it deceptive. To the ‘ordinary’ person, heroin could never be seen as honest or beautiful. Both the lyrics and the melody take the listener on a journey; one that some people might consider to be similar to heroin: it starts out honest, peaceful and inspiring, but … Continue reading The Velvet Underground, Heroin.
In most of my posts, I have been drunk when writing, and this one is no different. To me, well I feel more creative. Maybe I’m delusional. I mean how ridiculous does it sound when someone says that they write best when they’re drunk. In the future, maybe I’ll look back at myself and think I was a complete idiot. But, to me, at this … Continue reading The weirdest thing.
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